Hi there! In the last blog, we talked about creating space in our lives instead of continuing the breakneck pace and over stuffed To Do lists. How’s that going for you? Have you created a bit more calm in your day?

One of the major factors that leads to the insane days full of those lists that we will never get through is the programming of expectations we have received since we were young. From our family dynamics, the culture and environment we come from, the media and what they, the government and our society believe we should do this moment—create a tension and a pull to “do the right thing”. Don’t think, just do it. How we think about things is powerful and makes all the difference in what we DO. 

Who remembers that classic Enjoli! perfume commercial?? You know the one. That 70’s ad created a very unrealistic expectation in my mind that I carried for years. It had a perfect supermodel dressed to the nines in her robe, in her business suit and in her sexy negligee to demonstrate how on-point she was at every time of the day sauntering and singing,
 
 “‘Cuz I’m a woman.
Enjoli!
I can bring home the bacon.
Enjoli!
Fry it up in a pan.
And never let you forget you’re a man!
I can work till 5 o’clock.
Come home and read you tickety tock.
Tonight I’m gonna cook for the kids.
And if its lovin’ you want I can kiss you and give you the shiverin’ fits…”
 
This tune was quite catchy and I would run around the house singing that song at the top of my lungs until my brother Darryl told me to “Shut the hell up!” If you were around then, I know you are singing this is your head now, and it’ll probably be on repeat for a while. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, you must look it up and have a laugh.

Funny, yes. But not really if we dig down into the expectations that were being put out there for women and girls to “move forward” and be their best selves. When I was a little girl watching that beauty do it all and do it all well with a happy smile on her face, I got the message. The 24-hour woman! Yes! I can be like that. I want that opportunity. We are strong and powerful; we CAN DO IT ALL and be all things to all the lucky people around us. We didn’t fully understand the price tag that would have. This belief that the never-ending frenzy to put more on the list, check off the list, while we sacrifice our needs that never make the list is one of the most common challenges in today’s world.
  
 What unrealistic expectations are you carrying? Let’s challenge each one of them and decide if they are still serving us. A great example is one of the most common unrealistic expectations in business that I’ve seen thousands of people fall prey to over the years. “Always available = My Value! I am available 24/7 whenever my client needs me. And because I am always there, I am more valuable. My service is more exceptional.”  This mindset couldn’t be further from the truth and is completely impossible to sustain over time. 

Think about the professionals that we hire for important projects or procedures…our attorney, CPA or doctor doesn’t answer immediately when we call. And our surgeon doesn’t schedule a procedure we need right now because we are sick. It gets scheduled based on their availability and boundaries, not our urgency. Read that again. This can be a very tough thing to do in our work because we are afraid of losing. Losing the deal or opportunity, losing the paycheck and client if we are not responding instantly. We work so hard to get things moving, to have momentum on our side, to have a pipeline full of great people to serve that we are afraid to shut it off or turn it down so that we can have a day off or a few hours of focused time with ourselves, a loved one or our family.
 
Even though it is difficult, re-defining expectations and setting appropriate boundaries are important for our professionalism, sanity and wellbeing. “No” is a complete sentence. We are so much more than just our work. If we fill up our days with whatever and whoever comes along while we cram in the urgency of the moment, we aren’t focusing on our priorities—our keys to a great life and business—we are being led by others wants & needs. When we begin with what is most important in our day and schedule that in, whether it’s a special breakfast or a crucial project, then “No.” comes a little easier because we are already booked. Instead of moving that crucial thing, try this response, “Actually, I am already booked that time/that day, how would Tuesday at 4:30 work or is Thursday at 11 better?”
 
Now is the time to explore and challenge each one of your beliefs and expectations and make a conscious decision to keep the sane expectations where you don’t need the superhero in you to show up. Every.Minute.Of.Your.Day. Which one’s work for you, your family and your lifestyle?  The one you want to have. Let’s draw the line and move forward with those.
 

You've got this! Let me know how I can help, J'aime xo

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Photo by Marcus Dall Col on Unsplash --quote added by me